Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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