Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
