So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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