you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
