im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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