I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
