she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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