Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
