i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
