So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
