I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
