You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
