do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
