Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
