what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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