I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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