It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
