So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
