Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Mom said you looked used
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
