I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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