I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize