dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
