I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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