sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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