I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
