You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
