I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
