my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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