i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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