youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
