I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
