you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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