I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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