I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
