I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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