she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize