Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
