God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
