At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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