his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
