he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
