when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
