i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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