I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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