1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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