I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
