I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
