He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
