Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
