i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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