She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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