it was like his penis was on wheels.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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