just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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