Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
