my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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