sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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