All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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