The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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