I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
