Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
my poor anus
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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