I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
