Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
