TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
