I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
