We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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